17922) The new year was going well for me until I binged last night. I don’t even know how it happened. One moment, I was hanging out with my brother and before I knew it, we were in the kitchen demolishing anything and everything we could find. I HATE myself for not having any willpower. I have to make today a better day than yesterday was.
15724) Today, I realized I am addicted to food. The only reason I am thin is because I abuse laxities and starve myself. When I eat food though, I can’t stop. I eat until I feel like I am going to die and then I go take x laxities so it will pass right through me. I would rather just puke it all up but I don’t want anyone to hear me and find out my secret. So I stick to the drugs. My goal weight? Yeah, most days it feels like I will NEVER reach it. I have to remind myself though that only someone week would give up on a goal. I am not weak, so I won’t give up.
This one time at school not too long ago the boy I REALLY like was sitting next to me and I was swinging on my chair and he poked my FAT legs with his pen, and said “can I play with that??”
I told him to fuck off playing with my fat! He took it jokingly, and I somewhat said it in that fashion, but also in a serious way.
Ever since then Ive just wanted to cut it all off, i was never overly worried about my weight of amount of fat before this happened. But since then all I think about is how gross it is, and how much I want it all gone!